Man, I so rarely have time to breath lately, let alone blog. Ugh... time for a short breather while I'm catching up on my friends and emails.
Since the divorce life has taken alot of differant twists and turns, stress has become a major play. Not because of the divorce by no means, because that was one of the biggest reliefs of my life. My X still has his moments, where he feels it is imparative to call and pick a fight with me every month or two, but dealing with his day in and day out crap is over with.
Since then, a whole new line of stress has come into play. If it's not one things it's another. Bug and I are still very happy together and even more in love than ever before. But life has shown us how strong we are together and how tough our relationship really is. With all of the differant things that have happened over the last several months, a weak relationship would not hold water.
Stress factor 1 was finding a job so I could take care of my family. Got that under wraps working at the local head shop. As much as they don't want to call it that and swear that's not what it is, is just that.... the local hook up for pipes and bongs for all of the potheads in town. Working there has changed my views on smoking for luxury and now I view it, in many ways, depending upon the individual, as a weakness of sorts. I see alot of stupidity walk through those doors!! We sell a variety of items to get you higher than a kite and then turn around and sell the detox to help you pass a drug analysis. Retarded. I've sold detox to people who are looking for a job, taking a random drug test and the kicker, those who are on probabtion. That's what gets to me the most I think! I can see that detoxing for a job is a matter of privacy and no ones business. I feel it's completely wrong to drug test anyone and deny them a job because they have THC in their system. I fully condone legalization. However, there are the fucktards that come in after screw up - after screw up, who's lives depend on staying clean ( not just pot folks, mAMP, COC, OPI, THC, the works ) but the idiots insist on playing with fire.
They come in tweaked out of the minds, knowing they have a test the next day wanting us to save them from jail time by providing our little magic bottles of pee cleaner. Some are even ignorant enough to smoke right before they take the detox. It makes sence to me to not mess with anything, considering these days, they are getting so techincal as to test for detox in the urine as well as the drugs. Now, you're av erage every day drug test for a job is not going to go so far as to look for detox, but probation officers are.
A guy came in last night who has to fly to florida for his drug test and if he fails they slap handcuffs on him immediately! So he bought two bottles of our three in one detox and two iCups, and plans to be an idiot and drink and smoke up until the day of the test. Now, to me this is redundant! He was at a state of panic because he doesn't want to go to jail. If he goes to jail he will be there along time. His daughter even said if he failed, she would come to kick some ass. LOL.... Kick my ass, I dare you. The only dumb ass in this scenerio is the fucktard not stopping his habbits because he is comfortable with the fact he could detox before his analysis, therefore playing with fire and putting himself at risk for failure. Not me. I didn't put the drugs in his hand. I didn't get him high, I just sold the detoxifing agent to him with an explaination of how to do it. These types of people never take responsability for their actions and forever blame other people for the reason they screw up. Weakness!
Stress Factor 2. Bug's accident. We constantly worry and stress ( and I think he does more than i do on this one ) about how this will affect the rest of our lives. Not in the sence that it has changed our relationship, but how will we take care of our family. Texas Mutual, the insurance co. covering his workers comp. Failed to take care of medical bills, doctors appoints and medication, Cut off his checks before his doctors assessment, and then claimed by their own doctor he had superficial burns. They, on their stupidity asked the state to step in because Bug was supposidly uncooperative, and the State Dr. found perminant imparment, possiable perminant disability, we won't know until after we get the doctors reports, and the Dr. was pissed they had claimed it as superficial burns, when in fact it was indeed 2nd and 3rd degree, he should have had physical therapy, which they didn't take care of, should have had skin grafts, but refused to send him to burn specialist.... Hypersensativity to his arm and elbow, no elasticity of his skin, perminant scar, no feeling or sensation in three of his finger, no sence of smell that may or may not return, weakness in strength to his dominant arm, blood clots causing severe headaches and at times imparment and the list goes on and on. So, we are waiting to find out what they will settle, because alot of this could have been prevented if they had treated him properly.Then the doctor does not want him going to work on a rig or else where, maybe even perminantly, and then the lawsuit with the oil company. So... stress has become a way of life when it comes to work and money.... oh but it only begins...
Stress Factor 3 goes back to stress factor 1..... working at the headshop. Family seems to think because you're family they can walk all over you. Then drama and shit talking comes into play. My dear mother in law is one of the best managers I have ever worked with, she is good to everyone and tries to be fair, but you have a couple of people including a member of her own family waiting til she isn't around talking mad shit about her and gossiping about things that are untrue that could destroy her relationship. Bug got his fill of it and quit the store, because he can't handle people talking about his mom. I am sick to death of it and a handful of other things accompanied with that store, but can't quit because I have to bring in a paycheck until the settlement or Bug is working again. I hate that store with a passion. Not so much the store, but the customers and the constant bullshit I get from one particular family member. I got my ass chewed for two hours at a store meeting for shit I didn't do or say and I shouldn't have to work anywhere that belittles me or makes me feel bad about myself. Then the issue of how much that store makes a week versus why the fuck I and the other girls have not gotten a raise. 180.00 a week is horse shit. Each month I've been promised a raise and haven't gotten shit. I was told I had a raise but in reality I was put on salary and my hours were increased and so I didn't get a raise at all, it all still adds up to minimum wage. Do I look stupid? Paid fucking slavory assholes!
Then I stopped even ranting in my own blog on here because Bug's cousin took on of my entries about my schedule wrong and called the family and had them read my personal thoughts and caused shit, had everyone upset with me because no one actually read what I said, but pieces and took it as a big slam, in reality it wasn't even about them it was about me. She then sent an email behind my back going off about me and really hurt my feelings, so Bug got pissed and said when she brought her happy long distance drama stirring ass back to the states he was going to have a long talk with her and put her back in line... She holds now status in our life and that blood is thicker than water shit doesn't hold. Meaning I'm the water and she's important than I am when it comes to bug and the family. Guess what Princess, you don't hold shit, don't forget that blood maybe thicker t han water, but the body is made up of mostly water and we can't survive without it! Well, apparently one of the girls repeated to her that bug wanted to talk with her, and embellished it to boot... so she calls Mom and wants to know why Bug said he was going to Kick her ass when she got back to the states. DRAMA!
Which leads to stress factor 4.... More work related stress. One girl seems to think she is the hawk eye of the store and runs to tell everything said and done, which ultimately lead to me getting my ass chewed. Bug said some things, because he voices his opinion and doesn't care who knows or hears it, it was repeated , and the chicken shit part is, rather than talking to him about I get the ass end of it. Then the issue over what kind if smokes I buy. I smoke the Sweet Dreams, and I was told to pay a certian price, so I did. I walk in one day to a note supposidly left for Mom, who doesn't smoke mind you..." YOU BETTER BE PAYING FULL PRICE AT RETAIL FOR YOUR DREAMS! THEY COST ME $XX.XX a BOX, YOU BETTER BE PAYING FOR THEM WITH TAX!".... now, I am the only one that smokes them, why wouldn't I take that personally... and does it look like I'm stupid? Then I noticed, everytime I rang up my smokes that one particular girl kept eagle eyeing me, watching what I rang up.... Bitch, like I'm going to cheat anyone or steal! Fuck. So , now I refuse to buy my Dreams there and I am smoking Marlboro's again.
Then the deal with the cameras..... Original claims to the camera was to watch customers and catch them stealing and have evidence if we get broken into again.... instead it's turned into watching the tapes and watching every single employ to see if we are screwing up or stealing, and chewing our asses out over stupid crap. UGH! No one in that store steals a dime or a product! No one short changes the drawer or anything. OH... another thing, if you're going to claim you can't afford to give someone a raise don't let them close your register at the end of the day where they see how much money you're pulling in. DUH.
This has been some of the stupidest shit I have ever seen in my life. Shit talking, Gossiping, Greedy and using. I am so out of there when I get my first chance. I can make more money running my own business and that's what we're working on right now.
The website is coming up soon... when there is a grand opening I will send it to you all.
So on the upnote, bug and I are on the same page with how we feel about all of this and he has blaitenly said I am quiting, I have fully agreed. He's pissed at the back stabbing and the slave labor, and he's sick of the bullshit it's caused us at home. He said, not one more penny goes into that store when I'm out there.
Pray our business takes off and the settlements come through... I am losing my mind down there. Family should never work together, ever!
Since the drama started over my blog ( which wasn't even negative and shouldn't have started drama ) I have felt I cannot post here or vent my feelings with fear that it will be taken wrong, or the entire family will pass the entries around and make a mountain out of a mohill. Well I am not doing it anymore. I have the right to my blog and to ventilate. I should not be censored and have to walk on egg shells and not speak my mind. Bug has a wonderful family.... I am referring to his Mom, his Sister, His Step Dad, his Bother.... so none of this applies to them. To me, they are the only family that matters and I care about whether or not we get along. The rest can suck a nut... they aren't immediately family.... they are cousins, aunts, uncles and they don't hold shit in our life... altho a couple thinks they do. So my feelings towards my inlaws have not changed. I love them dearly..... the others aren't my inlaws as far as I am concerned. Pfft! I have the right to be free on my own myspace and my own blog.... if you don't want your feelings hurt, don't read someone elses journal and personal feelings!!
So those of my friends that come and see me at the store... if you walk in one day soon and I have quit, this is the reason why.... don't listen to anything else you hear. I will not be fired, I will quit. I am on to better things soon...
Those things being, staying home and working full time with mine and Bug's eCommerce, working and saving towards a local store front, taking care of my kids and being home with my baby, that's it in a nut shell. No hidden agenda's.... no secrets why I am not there. I don't care anymore... I'm tired. I live on ciggarette's and Diet Dr. Pepper these days. I work at the store and come home and work at mine and bug;s, and I don't have the energy for the stress anymore. I'm out of heart medication and can't get more until I get to see the doctor, and 180.00 a week isn't going to pay for that. I need to rest and focus on me and my family ( Me, Bug, the kids ) and making a living for us so he doesn't have to go back to the oil field eventually... and I will prevail!
